For readers: http://kkarth.livejournal.com/ - New Entries located here, until i get unlazy and make a new blog layout. ^_^ If you have a livejournal feel free to add me. :D Even comment.

april 20, 2008 @ 9:01 pm

omg. i feel so woozy and out of it. saldy from the car rides. i dont even think it was really that much. and i didnt even bring anything to read or do. so i odnt know why i feel so dizzy. i felt perfectly fine when i woke up so i know its definitely to got deal with sitting in the car. i dont like it. the siwrly head feeling. makes me feel even less urge to do anything. and makes it hard to full concentrate. it makes me so peeved and sick. man. i wish that driving involved less u turns. but you know i cant say that. i just cant believe the effects of the u turn still havent gone away.

end: 9:05 pm

April 14, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

I dont know where to start. lawls? I dunno. I dont know what irks me more, the fact that I've got a headache, or the fact that I still haven't seen andy since friday in which he left in a rush because he says he was hungry but he didnt wanna eat squat here. i dunno. i dont know if its hurt that drives me more nuts. or the fact that i went to bed probably at 1 last night but who knows when i fell asleep, and then i had to wake up at 7. gah. the fact that the only contact i got was a facebook comment last night after midnight, and that it was sayng something like you probably had my cell phone charger. yet he hasnt dropped by here at all since then. i dunno. it would have made me feel at least a little better if he did that. i wont lie that it wont heal my pains. but i guess since he's not here by now and its like 2.. and he has class fro m3-4 and then has lab then till 7:30 that i wont see him until tonight. which makes me feel like crap quite honestly. it just means that i really did wish that he'd show up last night regardless of the fact that i wasn't able to reach him to say i got back to davis. i dont know. i just really wish that he'd show up. sorta like.. a mini set plan/schedule. those usually make me feel better. but sadly, i know despite the fact that i havent seen him for the past few days and wont see him again until night time. that he wont do squat to make it up to me. he won't be all mushy and say over and over how much he misses me. and it just destroys my efforts. because i guess sadly, i really do hold a lot of importance to something like that. and i'm relaly hurt and sad from the fact that he wont ever do much to make things up. like surprise me and tell me that he'll maek it up to me. i dont know why. but it means so much to me, and you have no clue how badly i wish he'd do that sometime. and do his best to assure to me, that he never meant any of it. instead of every time i bring it up, he just gets mad. i dont know. i just.. augh. the tears being held in all comes out.

i.. i guess thats why i sorta wanted to stay at the elementary school longer then i was schedule to. i guess it was nice to go back to that time frame of when things only got as complexed as omg boring assembly. where still evne if its boring that it would rock because you got to miss class. omg how i'd wish to be able to think that.. hope that class would be canceld to go to an assembly. it was nice there. because it felt sorta like a pause from life, and that it was more peaceful. and i guess i also wanted to stay there.. and hope that andy would get to my apartment and wonder hey where did tivonne go? kind of thign. and worry about me. i guess i really wanted him to worry about where i went for once. maybe after i get out of chem ill give kevin a cal land see what he's up to. and hang out with him maybe.. i hope i can. it'll get my mind off of things.. man he's not on aim right now.. i wish he was. :x

theres no reason why i shouldnt hang out with him, if turns out even though i told andy i didnt want him to drop his mst class to switch into a particular physics. he did it anyway.

i really hope that kevin can hang out for a bit. even if its a hanging out study thing. i needa fill this gap thats bugging me right now. because it is certainty not my fault. so i needa do something so it doesnt drive me nuts.

end: 2:30 pm

april 14, 2008 @ Sometime after 1:30 pm

april 14, 2008's Experience from 8:50 to 10:00 am

Description

End: Before 2:15 pm

April 13, 2008 @ After 11:30 pm

April 11, 2008's Experience from 10:15 to 11:40 am

Description

End: 11:45-ish?pm

April 13, 2008 @ 11:20 pm

Bad me, ive gotten lazy again. and havent blogged for a while, much less update my site. ive gotten a nice image ready for my next blog though. becaues it certainly feels like time for another blog layout.. sneak peek to the next blog layout "I'm pretty, right? Tell me what I want to hear." And its really pretty.eee Sadly, though i guess my blogging took a downfall when it was time for another layout i guess. So i'll get cracking on the layout i guess tomorrow since its almost midnight and tiem for bed. and then i needa shower too. :OO

what inspired this urge? probably susan's website getting an entire rehaul. which obviously makes me jealous of her skills since mine only extend as far as playing with text styles.

yeps. okay i gotta go type up my journal thingy for my MAST class. i'll probably share it here later. Since it should just be copy and paste and i wont get lazy like last time with summer school physics journal.

end: 11:24 pm

april 9 2008 @ 12:01 am

i feel freaking sick of school already. i feel completely miserable that i lost my schedule. dang it.

end: 12:02 am

march 30, 2008 @ 9:45 pm

aiya that was so random, for a few seconds i was tasting barf coming up backwards. DD:D:D:D: and i dont even know what caused it, it was just completely random. okay so i am a little dizzy from probably the car ride but still you know? D: man.

forgot to blog yesterday, i dont really know what i did yesterday. oh yes, i started hiring people in knighthood and spent probably almost an hour or two! getting nearly 20k to pay sign ins. amazing how much you can get out of raiding. yep amazing.

but overall i dunno what else i did all day. probably wasted it away doing nothing relaly. yeah..

today it was sort of getting ready to go to davis, some brawl.. and driving. nothing relaly big either days. eh.. nothing too big to talk about. oh yes. i did some beta testing for gaia. but i guess thats it. o__o.

new quarter tomorrow i dunno if i really look forward to it. i still feel like it'll be like a breeze compared to all other quarters so i feel like im cheating by not even taking the full 15 units. because i'll only study so much for any certain class you know? oh well we will see i guess.

end: 9:51 pm

March 28, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

aiya, i was lying here on my bed thinking.. bored what will i do now.. for like a few hours then i realized i havent blogged yet. so i went to blog. and it just hit me that it was 11 because i have to type the time. so i was like rotting away. i know i wanted to have nothing to do and even rot away all quarter and when i get the chance. i just rot away. thinking what should i do. D: augh.

went to the mall didnt do anything too fancy there bought a gift for nicole for her ohlone graduation. :] um.. some hello kitty gum although it didnt taste as good as i remembered.. its still good but not like omg soo good. just good. um.. looked around for clothing but really didn't get that far enough to really buy anything besides undies.. and yep. tat was sorta my mall experience.

at home yesterda and today i played some disgaea 2. some plot advancement today and some yesterday. although more training done yesterday and none today. i should do some training and recarnation but i feel too lazy to do it today for some weird reason. i just wanna continue to advance with the plot. D: but i cant since regal isnt here and i feel bad if i advance it without her. sigh.

virtual villagers.. in 1 they finished building the temple overnight.. and just reccently finished building the statue. i'm waiting on them for finishing digging up the treasure chest, and to hit 240k research points so i can go and make the golden child. in villages 2 im just still waiting for them to hit 60k or was it 90k reserach points to unlock the final food thingy so i can save my ocean.

what else.. my mom's birthday today. i believe she likes the fancy candles i got her the purple sand with like gel in it so that it has like little flowers inside the gel sticking out of the purple sand. amazing how much it cost. :O

now what? o.o its 11:30 and i dunno what else i should do. i should work on my site but i have no inspiration T_T

end: 11:30 pm

March 26, 2008 @ 3:03 pm

man ive been a bad blogger. although ive been taking more breaks from the usual life that i've had during school. a bit less obsession on facebook, ease up on that a bit (sadly not very much after i found out i lost like 3 good people on knighthood which caused me to come back pretty much but still sorta eased up). replaced that time with virtual villagers 2. and some outings.. and a tad more sleep.. and er.. some ps2/wii time. :)

but i did manage to clear out like 20 pages of emails with 50 emails per page so thats like 1000 emails :D which is good. but when i cleared them out o fthe trash box there really wasn't much of a change in space usage which probably means like half of them were facebook alerts and the other half was probably program stuff from my mom and bhlume which is amazing because i just struggled to type his name which means i got quite a bit over the past 12 weeks or whatever that i last talked to him. so much productivity yet so little space actually made. i stil lcan't seem to part from past bio 1b, and 101 files as wlel as my asa 3 files yet. i still think they would be good reference somehow. although i just realized that i sold my asa 3 book going nuts about it or else i'd have noticed it in my apartment. which probably means the asa3 files are useless now.

I finally got my hands on virtual villagers 2 the real non downloaded version and its amazing. i got sucked in .because the little kids find little star fish and shells and butterflies and you drag them onto them like the little mushrooms. and any extra of those little collectiables goes to become research materials (aka research points) so i pretty much got the little kids to do research like 100x faster then the actual reserachers. lol. but now my kids are all growing up becoming the stupid reserachers and its slowed down. although it does mean i can leave them to do their own thing instead of having to give it my full attention to get the reserach points. although i really should make more kids soon. My virtual villagers family 1 tree is huge now. its got like nearly a width of like 3000 pix and i might need to expand it more.

end: 3:12 pm

march 24, 2008 @ 1:54 am

okay.. this will be the last thing i do before i go to bed.. i really do hope its the last thing i do. although i have no urge to sleep. i havent really. i feel semi exhausted but like.. i dunno /sorta/ look forward to tomorrow a lot more compared to the past few days.. but i dont wanna go to bed. i dunno.

i really did hope that kara and nicole would wanna do the arts and craft stuff at davis. but i guess not. i dunno. i highly doubt its the money factor. but i guess.. im disappointed? i dunno . i dont know why they wouldnt. it gives them something to do. but whatever. i know i cant make them. i shouldnt have gotten my hopes up that ive finally find something to fill the time. and kara just doesnt wanna come to davis because shes got her stupid sims on the computer now. and im sorry. but tahts how i feel seriously. or why else wouldn't she wanna go? i guess its just that im pissed that she buys books and games and what nots. when its clear she doesnt need to. i dont care that she has to wait a month till the library gets them. they do get them. the books i mean. i dunno. maybe its because i havent been spending and who knows what i save for and it peeves me that she just keeps spending. so much that apparently 40 dollars to spend with me for a few hours and eliana doing something isnt worth it when she'd blow that much on a build a bear. which i still dont think is worth it. when she has like 10 of them. just to have it? i dunno whats the point of having so many.

but she wont listen to me.

end: 2:01 am

March 21, 2008 @ 1:47 pm

Still procastinating on my history essay on and off. It's nearly 2 and ive gotta start printing it at 3:30 yet im here blogging. i dunno why.. i guess anything is better then writing the essay and i still consider blogging to be reliatvely productive compared to just surfing and stalking on facebook. and honestly.. i didnt find anything interesting today and it irks me. lol. i wanna find something juicy or something interesting anyway. but i guess its because a lot of people are maybe finals mode or osmtehing? or just busy with their lives. but dang it.. put your lives on facebook. ive got nothing to do. D: or maybe ive procastinated so much that i found all of the juicy things and have to wait. aughghg.

but still. that motivation is still missing. i dunno if it will come to me at the start of the next quarter. even my motivation to work on my site is diminishing. i have no creativity spurts to spur another big update. they're just minial updates. D: slow steps on a big project over time. but the same project. no urges for something new yet. is it time for a new blog layout update? i dunno. i still feel like it fits.. the theme but the image doesnt feel enough anymore. but no point doing it now considering the fact that the quarter is almost over and spring break isnt the exact time to do it. i should do a statistic for how often do i make a new layout. i use to make them a lot back then. now its starting to become more staggered. or well it was staggered because you know the long period of no site acitivity. which i still feel like i needa make up somehow.

my fingers wanna get at the sleek ness of a live journal.

end: 1:55 pm

March 20, 2008 @ 7:19 pm

oh wow. its already 7 pm? i dunno it doesnt feel like it, today went by pretty fast, and i'd have to say i was probably more productive today then i was the last two days. although all i did today was read the "My War" book and read like 70 pages.. which sadly i think im reading rather slowly because its like im still seraching for stuff so im doing like this auto retain thingy with takes eons and im sadly barely just past page 200 in the book but its not bad and honestly like i mentioned before i like reading you know?

i needa start cracking on that history stuff tonight though maybe at 9-ish or 10-ish or something i really dont wanna get started on it though cuz of course its writing and i dont like doing that especialyl when i know im going to be judged and graded on it. i dont mind the judging so much but when the judging is worth something that has a semi importance to my future its like. .augghghghg dont wanna do.

i feel really bad and horrible for missing andrew's emai labout the bis 101 review session because i know it could have made at least a 20 or 30 point differnce which means like a good 15% difference, but i honestly glossed over that email because it somehow worked its way onto the second page of my emai land i didnt give it a second thought. how saddening. and andy doesnt check enough to notice it. so i ended up missing it. and it makes me really sad. and i know i should put that saddeness into studying.. but the thought.. everyone else got the review there goes the curve you know? gah. but what can i do. there are so many things i regret. .but thats a big thing. and i did it without realizing it.

i've been getting paper cuts on my hands and after it heals it peels a little.. these paper cuts are just building up lately. and its not much of the sting that annoys me its just that its there you know? D:

i managed to get the medicine upgrade 3 for my village last night like half an hour or so after my unibrow farmer guy i named arish cuz they both have the same hair died. D: i managed to save regal, akil and amaci for a good few more 10 years though i think. regal said she wanted to meet the one named after her, so im going to go back to not leaving it on at night since they'll age faster and what not. although i do like waking up to seeing one of those random events and seeing my food count and research point shoot up. but oh well. i can do that later. i sorta feel like there's nothing to really do now on the game after i got my major medicine goal done. i can either get to 150k and speed up tech points or i can get 80k and get the next construction thingy.. hm.. i guess i'll do the 150k and put all of my new people into building to fix up puzzles and farming.

ill get my hands on vv2 when i get home. and get a gaia cash card too.. and i really wanted to get that harvest moon for the wii game but sadly it doesnt come out until later.. man. but its okay i have plenty of ps2 games i can play and enjoy. then bring some over to davis too. yeah.

i was reading over some blogs earlier just to get a sense of the past.. since.. otken didnt get into davis.. D: and i wanted to read my thoughts on getting into colleges. i really do hope the appeal works out for him, although it is freaky when you say.. my gpa went up by .4.. its sorta like D: why was it so low to begin with for it to go up that much? D: but beign at davis.. its like.. omg a .4 go up awesome congrats. like.. yeah. so i guess i'd have to say i understand.

im going to do more reading in bed..

end: 7:34 pm

March 19, 2008 @ 2:36pm

I'm a bit bad in that i I didn't blog yesterday, and it wasnt that of a really busy day either. it was just the morning that was bad.. two finals.. bio 1a at 8am and the physics 7a one at 10:30. considering that we got our finals passed out late for bio 1a, we obviously started later and the people passing out the test "solved" that by saying instead of our final being from 8:00 to 10:00 it was from 8:10 to 10:10 which sorta cut into my get something to eat then rush off to do the physics final. Since that meant i only had 20 mins left, and getting to the physics testing place would already take 15 mins. D: so i only had time to go to the bathroom and rush off to take the next final. my tummy was a little rumbly after not even half way through the final though. i dunno. i got stuck on a relatively easy problem which probably sucked out like half an hour out of the two hours we have for testing. because although it was easy, it was one of those easy long ones that have like a million steps. it was that adding energy to an ice cube with a gold ring frozen inside. and we had to figure out what the end temperature was. and i guess i got caught up on the test because i blew at least 20 mins trying to do it wrong two times. before i said screw that i still have 4/7 problems (with a million subsections) left and the time was already half way over. so.. yeah. the 4 problems afer were relatively easy.. or was it that i just didnt know it so i didnt spend too much time on them? dunno. i was sorta mad about the bio 1a though, i really should have studied more there were many questions i just quite frankly didn't know to the extent that out of a multiple choice.. i could only eliminate 2 out of the 5 choices.

somehow though when i checked online last night i ended up with a 89. osmething in the class, which with a little few points curve meant that i got an A. Which is pure excellent, although i dont feel like i deserved that so much. :/ because i know ive neglected it so much.

right now.. im pretty sad.. mourning mode because gisielle just died. she only had 20 minutes until her next kid was born but i guess when she hit 66 she just died off. it makes me really sad. D: and now akil the breeding guy, he's only 62, but i keep feeding him and making him drink water and even let him relax but his health is 1/4th gone. and now im worried he'll go next. his prodigy isn't even ready to breed in his spot yet. and i'd really like him to be able to fully replace him before akil 1 dies. D:

speaking of his prodgiy which i found to be the best best coolest hting ever. was born from regal and akil, the game generated the same name, and he's also an orange head.

end: 2:47 pm

March 17, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

i realized what's missing is still the right motiviation or rather at this moment any motiviation and as well as some food that im not isck of. its sad. and because lack of motiviation causes me to idle around with no urge to do anyting productive which then goes on to affect my eating and my sleeping and pretty much everything. which goes back to affect my motivation even more. im still exhausted i cant fall asleep until like 3 or 4 am. and then i have to wake up at like 7 or 8. which makes me lull all day and you would think that would let me fall asleep better at night but it doesnt. i just has me there lulling not sleeping lying there in bed thinking. where's my motivation? where do you get your motivation? i think i need little positive goals bigger then just "Tj's read a chapter get a junior mint" kind of goal. i need a bigger one with a nice happy reward. what reward did i use to get before davis? i dunno i got reactions to my grades and what not.. here its like.. im eager to get my essay back then i find out i get like an 89. and im like.. oh.. and thats it. i dunno. i guess i want this gray-ish area to vanish. i guess i really do miss the mom saying congrats. even the yelling. because then there's really a difference to whether or not i tried. i dunno. am i broken? andy doesnt do any of that, he seems rather indifferent. i want to be able to have a mini celebration or a talking about how the teacher grades hard. or how the questions were easy. i have no one to talk about those kinds of things to here. so many things are missing i guess..

im sick of andy somehow getting once in trouble about eating out and then that affecting me, because now we don't ever go out and eat unless its his initial crave. because if i ever bring it up, he brings up that he's already in trouble. but if he's the one who has the urge then all of a sudden its okay? i dunno. maybe im over thinking it.

i needa go shopping for food. and something im not sick of. why am i sick of food? yet when im hungry.. and my stomach talks i still can't get over the fact that im sick of certain types of food now. i can't do the 7 meals a day with pasta or any differenation of it, i dont know why. im just so dang sick of it.

end: 1:20 pm

March 14, 2008 @ 2:01 pm

I realy wish that I had a good ps2 rpg here to sit and rot my brains out. i feel like i should be doing something like that. after another week of school being done. it feels like i should be doing something mind rotting. or something exciting to do to celebrate that the week is over. but im stuck here.. with 2 finals on tuesday and 1 essay final friday and 1 more final on saturday. but i really do feel like i should be doing something else besides just sitting here at my computer on facebook. i really havent touched any ps2 games since winter break. and hearing all the guys talk about the new brawl over and over, makes me itch to get back to playing games. darn me and my "ill leave my games at home so i'll get more work done in davis and be less distracted"

break isnt coming fast enough. D: yet i don twant it to come too fast because finals wil lbe here even faster. man.

instead my weekend is somehow filled with review sessions from professors, ta's and even some other professors that are just teaching physics but im going to because all physic classes have the same final.

end: 2:04pm

march 13, 2008 @ 8:13 pm

I am pretty proud of myself for that 89 on that history essay. i really would like higher.. but honestly? im proud. although i know its not my best work, since i had to completely refit the essay to the ta's style of being more factual less commentary explaining etc. so i think its pretty good. and hey.. 89 is something to be proud of. thats like nearly an a-. on an essay. a long one at that. woulda been more awesome to get higher but im happy.

hmm what now. found out yesterday that i mis judged my spring break because i thought it was the 27 that i go back to classes but thats because i looked at the old course catalog for the schedule and we actually go back like the 31 which is even more awesomes. because now my spring break just became double the length and yet :D

hm.. i dunno where all of my time honestly goes. i think a lot of it has to do with aim, and me just senselessly surfing the net wihle waiting for someone to finish typing to me, and even though there is no real point to sitting there for hours chatting because i dunno.. even though i am chatting it doesnt feel like i get any closer to them or consider them more of a friend. i guess it happened back with tung and how chatting started to become more a nuissance then good. it was something i looked forward to but when the frienship started to fire i dunno aim chatting hasnt been the esame exactly. its become less fun and more of the annoying kind of factor. i dunno why. D: its bad huh? maybe because lately i havent been forming much good experiene with aim and when i do its only with my sister so my urges of chatting on aim with others sorta died down. maybe sorta out grew it? i dunno.

ive been feeling exhausted lately, i cant seem to be falling asleep and andy wont keep me company and talk to me because he says he needs his sleep. and im jealous because you know that once he goes to bed he just falls asleep while i lie in bed and think like nuts. how did i manage to sleep all these past years? i can remember a time when i got enough sleep.. felt lazy to wake up but am able to get enough sleep. now its like.. its 12 and i dont feel like sleeping yet.. i so blame daylights savings time. man. D: it hits 1 and i still dont feel ready. i guess its also cuz i sorta dread going to classes lately this week or two.. and i dont know exactly why.

hmm.. sleepy lulls. half sleeps is what ive been getting for the past two weeks i think.

i really wanted to open my mailbox to see virtual villagers 2 sitting in there today. i swear i checked my mailbox like 5 times today, even after the mail came because there might be some freak chance he remembered and put it in after. i dunno why i wanted to see it there so badly when im still playing 1 and none of my people have even really progressed that far to even die yet. much less.. well i think my oldest might be 34 now. but i dont want any of them to die. :(

end: 8:22 pm

March 12, 2008 @ 12:02 pm

My most reccent fascination is this game called Virtual Villagers. this game originally stemed from me once seeing it on msn as a game ad, me book marking it. then later me being a nada person on saturday with nothing to do after i finished my paper and went.. omg i hae a free weekend and im not home this weekend. what do i do? and after being productive.. well.. er.. more productive then usual during the week because of the essay, i had no urge to be productive at all on saturday. i mean.. i felt like i deserved to do something mind rotting. and you know. but my sister was also done and free and we were sitting there brain rotting bored on aim talking to each other.. we even ended up talking about these sad raccoons who for some reason when the movie is PG they have balls. o__o yesh. its odd. anyways.. lets see.. so i reverted to looking at all the games i had to play and what not and i realized that i only brought games here for andy to play. because the only games i had were that. or the wii games which would be mysims and hsm singing. but i really didnt feel like singing. its sorta boring alone once you've unlocked everything. so.. yep.. and i realized what i really wanted to do was to play either makai kingdom or la puccelle or something along those lines to mindlessly train and level up. but none of those games were here.. so.. i remembered this virtual villagers game.. and i looked it up.. and started playing it. its a demo so i can only play for an hour.. but i found a way around it.. once your hour is over you can't reopen the program.. so what ive been doing is hiberating and leaving the program on pause when im not playing that way i still hae my program open and can still play. so tada thats what ive been up to. its mind numbing anad the way its made things just have insanely high goals that take days on end so that its more of a casual you play a bit.. leave it for a few hours or days and come back to see how your peoples are doing. but its so cute to me. its like dementedly cute. one of my peoples that i started out with giseesle i named her after the girl in enchanted because when i was looking at her.. prince edward james marsden's voice with his demented happy way of saying her name popped up.. and i had the urge to name her robot giselle but i couldnt fit all of that in so i named her giseele. and then i named of course the green one with black hair regal asap as soon as i found out i could change their names. i havent relaly personalize anyone esles's name so i have like 1 other girl. 2 working guys and 2 kids now. one of which was bald at age 6. :( who andy said to name wilson because wilson is bald. but i didnt quite feel like it because then i'd have like a mini wilson running around. and yeah.. D: dont want anything reminding me of a funky person in my game that id look at for fun. so im blogging right now while demented gilseele takes years to clean up a pile of rocks to unblock a stream.. and yep.. nearly a day later and she's only like 23% =_= honestly. i mean i know its a far walk but she's os insanely slow. i should put more people there to speed it up, but need to prioritize and get the medicine upgrade next at 15k tech points becase at this rate people will be dying off before giselle finishes her rock moving. because i decided that since my amanci red haired girl is now a master in research i cant lose her to a few hours being pregant and taking care of the kid. and must put my most useless female to do that.

its oddly chilly today after an insanely warm day yesterday. hm. D: back to doing more reading. im reading um.. My War Killing time in Iraq by Colby Buzzel a required book for history and honestly? its really interesting. its pretty much like a blog he's kept and thus there are interesting little rants here and well yeah.. its not all dry and anything. and i jus got to where he talks about his diary and how he went to a blog aspect and it reminded me that i needed to blog. lol. :D i should put some time and work on my site again though because i just realized that i havent done anything yesterday. and ive been trying to do a little everyday. but all day classes, then funky andy not here kind of thing threw me off course. so i guess ill go and do a little work on my site after i finishing blogging then more reading.

end: 12:16 pm

march 11, 2008 @ 7:05 pm

I'm tired. im tired of being frequently forgotten and ironically every tuesday. evne though i hint left an dright that its a tuesday and he says "i know." but does he honestly. =_= i dont freaking know. but i feel so crappy. i dont care if thats a bad word by his strandards but to me its not. i feel freaking crappy. crappy crappy. its like.. okay so i gave permission to prioritize his freaking grades over me. but that doesnt mean he doesnt call to update me that he'll be busy doing that. i mean.. so "i didndt expect it to take long" so? when it did sohuldnt you have stopped to call me? i have the urge to randomly call him now when his cellphone isn't at my partment. just because or when i know he's with them just so i can go and be all like that annoying girlfriend by saying "how long are you going to take" and then make some crappy plan that's going to suck. but who cares its a plan with me and i'll guilt him into it. and be like promise no matter what you'd leave at this set time because quite frankly. right now? he's given me more then enough reason to hate his stupid chinese group and its not out of jealousy and it is his fault. because i can quite frankly say it is his faut that he doesnt keep me update.d and that i'd be better and okay at it if he told me he was doing htis and that so i'd know when to expect ihm and what not. so im going to stick a time frame on. i dont care if htey think im so anal freaking girlfriend. it doesnt freaking matter to me what they think of me. but if they're going to cut into my time, and i'm kept waiting without being updated. i beleive it have to right to act like a bitchy girlfriend. i dont quite care anymore. whenever he's doing his damn chinese stuff im going to freaking call after a half hour and bother him and make him think of me. i odnt care. im was all trying to be nice after i got out at 6. thinking he'll be back any minute but ive got nothing but be lied to. so im not going to be patient. next time. and every time i will frekaing call. right on the dot. and call over and over again. if his cell is here. ill turn his cell off right away. i dont freaking care. they can get the same damn treatment i get. im not telling him any of them are calling. and im not going to be nice. he acts like i'm being all "its my time you can't do anything that takes time away from me" okay ifne. if you will believe that im a bitch about people cutting into my time. so be it. i'll be a bitch yo ualready act like i am. so i shouldnt bother trying because honestly ive been and ive gotten no change in treatment. so thats what ill do.

man. i feel so freaking bad right now. and i dont believe anymore that he'd ever do anything to make it up to me. so i'm goign to take my own actions to make it up to myself. and ill make myself feel better by my own ways until i see him make things up to me. because im tired of comprising and not being acknwloedged that i am. so im going to make his source of happiness suffer because he's making mine suffer. i dont believe nor feel that asking for one night tuesday to be on time an dhango ut with me is too much. i believe any guy would be glad to do that. cuz its not like i even make him pay for me. i pay for my damn meals. so i dont see why he should complain. he hasnt paid for a single meal for me reccently i dont think so this quarter. so i dont see what the problem to him is.

end: 7:16 pm

march 7, 2008 @ 11:55 pm

I feel successful now. i finally figured out what caused my owner@kkarth.net email to stop recieving emails. i was so cloes to contacting the host server and ask them ^_^;; how embrassing. i found out that it was like one of the filters i put on it. anyways afer going through and spending litereally hours trying to fix it. i have fixed it. :D and now i can recieve email at owner@kkarth.net again. and it makes me happy. yesh. :D I'm now working on something new for my site.. a contact me card. :D:D which is so cool. its sorta plain though so i needa owrk on the "looks" part but it should be probably done before tonight ends. :D or when i bed anyways.. soo.. yeps okay brb going to call birthday boy

end: 11:58 pm

March 6, 2008 @ 11:21 pm

i just realized as i was finishing up my changes and fixes on blog version 5.1 that my eyes feel a bit pooty probably from the lack of sleep last night.. staying up till 3 writing essay then waking up at 9 to write again. lol yea still got 6 hours of sleep so im still functional sadly i think thats probably more sleep and productive then ive been getting lately. so my body seems to be fine with it. back a little tired achy feeling and knees dying faster but other then that and my pooty eyes no real signs. i havent crashed on my bike or anything. i did forget to lock my bike like once last week and my brain went.. hey did you lock because i dont remember it. and i went back and glanced from a few feet away and i couldnt see my lock on the side so i presumed instead of walking all the way back from the chem 193 building to my bike.. turns out i didnt lock it and it was wide in the open first cement bike block thingy too.. amazings. i then vowed to from now on walk all the way backa nd check just to be 100% sure. i'd be so screwed and nuts if i didnt have the bike.

hm.. what else.. oh yes.. im slowly running out of easy updates to do on my blog layouts and not sure of what else to do once i run out of the easy to do things. D: i mean ive got some behind the scenes updates fixing up major old website layouts which is like 10x as more work but still more no real brainers just patience running changes. D: then what? i should work someday on bringing back an about me, as well as some interest lists and my art page.. hm.. D: lazy-ness.. well ill work and get there slowly. although the days seem to pass by rather faster then i expect and at this rate i'd be on something like a really major job by the ned of the month. honestly @_@

end: 11:26 pm

march 6, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

okay so i was getting ready to type up my history questions thingy when it hit me.. i dont have black ink and i highly doubt i wanna turn in some multi colored ink hint for discussion tomorrow afer my ink crisis today. so ive decided to hand write it later just before bed and give him that.

gotta remember to buy ink, staples nad some postits. i might as well throw in a self gift of some nice pens after finding out my mom has been slowly going through my colored gel pen colleciton while ive been at davis. and i know she throws them out when she thinks "they dont work" at the first try she gives them. seriously. so i took my collection with me. it makes me sad. i know i had like nearly.. 100 or something of them but when i loo kat it now looks like a good 20 or something of them are missing. and its a collection i started back in like 6th grade when the gel pen hype started. man. also gotta check at the random independent tent store they have outsid ethe bookstore. maybe i can find myself a nice necklace.

okay.. lets see.. what did i want to blog about. my inspriation okay. so i just realized as i was editing my blog layouts that i used to use an imood thing. which i will now start to use agian :D and have been trying to do a mood daily but i just realized right now.. where will i put it? o__o should i put it kkarth's main page? i dont think it belongs there. ._. good point. nor does it really have a home spot on my blog layouts reccently. i dunno where it goes. D: man. i guess my urege to use it just came from the fact that well.. i started like in 2003 back i nthe panda monium days. man. i wish it would come back. i wish i saved my purple kitty panda. adminsdeath i miss you. i wonder what they're up to now. if only i knew.

hm.. well.. no point in lingering in the past because ive done that and i still havent found them.. might as well and go and be a little productive on kkarth. i havent for a few days because of the essay D: and even then on the days i wasnt prodcutive i was just procastinating the world.

end: 11:09pm

march 6, 7:11 pm

back again. @_@ okayy soo.. anyways i turned in my history essay.. lets just say.. pages 5 1/2 to 7 are black and the rest are green. okay.. so i decided to print like at the 4:22 because i have class at 4:40.. and yep.. i noticed that after a while it printed out blank pages. so obviously i start freaking out. and im like okay.. okay.. what to do.. lets try having it reprint with color.. the color ink thingy should be able to make some kind of black.. turns out it doesnt =_= what kind of logic is that the color ink cartiage should have its own version of black right? D: it doesnt. it prints out blank papers again. so i freak.. obviously.. its like 4:27 now what to do. first impulse is.. is ther enough time to email it to myself an drun and get it printed at a lab.. and time didnt look too good because obviously the computer lab has a long line and what not usually tha mkaes you wait like 5 mins IF lucky. and im already my limit of 60 free pages a quarter so it'll be like what? 10 cents or something per page? i forgot the rate. @_@ i just remember logans and ams's so anyways.. im like.. what color is dark.. oh dark green is pretty dark. if i change it to dark green it doesnt even look different from black. so im like might as well do this. (kara would be proud. sorry nicole i didnt opt for dark red because its more obvious that its not black then dark green) printer prints it out.. turns out its not dark green because the dark cartiage aka the black was out.. so its bright kelly green. you know that crayon green green. and its like.. uhh.. oh well. its time for class anyway. brb

end: 7:18 pm

March 6, 2008 @ 7:10 pm

okay back again. i had to hold the button to attack for andy. o_Oanyways back or not =_=

emd: 7:10pm

March 6, 2008 @ 7:06 pm

okay so my essay is turned in.. i finished 5 and like 1/4th of a 6. :) turns out i needed to have 5-7 pages not 7-10. :] brb

end: 7:07pm

March 5, 2008 @ 1:43 pm

dang it.. i should be writing but essentially i havent gotten anything done for the writing since well. monday? D: no real productione yesterday or today. i should go and get more done but i havent.

i dont know how to make myself hvae the urge to write. T_T

help

end: 1:48 pm

March 4, 2008 @ 11:52pm

hm.. looking up classes to take.. it hit me again that i have almost nothing next quarter and thats its an easy going thing. which peeved me because i now remember how i couldnt get my bis 1c and my chem all at once cuz of them all being at 3pm. started cranking up on the classes thinking about taking two extra education classes.. then it hit me.. i could tkae my one upper division english get it over with and volia i would have a productive quarter. but then when i strated looking for english 104d, i couldnt find it.. but i found a uwp 104d.. so its like.. is that it? it looks like it. but i wanted to make sure so i emaield the mast advisor again but i hope she doesnt think im a nuts cuz im now emailing her like every week like twice a week with random questions @_@. anyways, i guess ill sign up with uwp and go with that. and cross my fingers that it is the right one, because apparently english 104d doesnt exist anymore :D lol. yep..

tension and pissy ness cuz of andy's i cant fit my interneship in.. and apparently i look at my schedule and i have gaps every stinking day somehow and could fit one of his in.. @_@ amazings. our schedules are so odd. we should totally trade. anyways bye we go.

end: 11: 59 pm

March 3, 2008 @ 6:26 pm

it still feels like something is missing. i dont know what.

i think ive always lackd motiviation to write essays. but still.. its not that.. there is something else missing. when i eat it feels like its missing, when i shower, lie in bed.. when i just browse even gaia. i mean.. something is just missing and its eating me away slowly. i dont know what it is. its driving me nuts. its like ive forgotten something. or its just hidding but there. qu'est ce que. D: what is ittt.

i feel giddy now and a traitor. i found out i can post entries on livejournal and have it set to a different day.. ie in the past. yesh D: but i feel bad cuz when i made my account the other day.. i was drooling over how clean and slick things were.

D:: i am a bad webmistress.

end: 6:30pm

March 1, 2008 @ 11:43 pm

loooss 8DD I must be on some kind of manslaughter hype or something. I've done so many major updates on my site one right after another the past few days (or just today and yesterday). It's completely nuts. I mean it was nuts to even make such a fancy layout change all in one sitting with the right hand links menu, but to go and touch files untouched since like 2003 and 2004 to fix and patch up. its amazing. I blew through blog versions 1 through 4! and let me tell you, for those layouts they're so old and from kkarth.com that they were completely broken to bits. dying pages full of x's and horror. but omg the hype from it all makes me feel amazing. i haven't done something like that in so long.

but touching on just the layouts makes memories rush in. i love and still love blog version 3 to bits. reading the words and just seeing it.. even though my entries are gone rushed in all these feelings of hope about school like 5 years ago. omg.. 5.

I'm reading koukou debut, and its amazing. ive already finished 2 chapters and its still so amazing. like you know what will happen but its so amazing. lol too many usages of amazing.

hmm.. im rather interested in juno's fan art a day community for live journal. but i know tis not my place. i cant draw for poops and they're all amazing there. my sister has a better chance of getting i nthere. admiring from afar is what i shall do.

okay im going to go back and read more koukou debut. :D i have a goal of reading a chapter then being productive.

end: 11:51 pm

february 27, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

dang it dang it dang it. why am i so addicted to just sitting there and wasting time reading random people's wall posts and these random forums and discussion boards and ust sitting there reloading making sure nothing is happening to my kingdom on knighthood. why am i so broken?

dang it, why does it drive me so nuts that he isnthere and went back to his apartment probably to do laundry and study and what not. yet it drives me so nuts. i want him here. here dang it. and i dont know why.

i know i messed up and things went kaput and i honestly wish i could take it all back. even though i told myself that a month or so ago i'd try to get rid of that htinking. but i really really do wish i could take it all back. what i said. even if i felt insanely better after i unheaved my load. i wish i could have tkane things back and let things go back to the way they were before. i dunno i just got so fustrated. and i just really wanted something to go right for once. that i just went completely psycho.

see this time it didnteven relate to what things i usually bring up. it wasnt a thing of mistrust or anything. but it was still me that was broken. and its driving menuts. and i cant concentrate so i dont even bother so i sucked into just mindlessly surfing facebook. and i dont knwo why but its like a drug T_T

and im blogging so much lately. id normally turn to pen and paper but pen and paper makes me think essay so much that it makes me even more upset. D: have i been blogging too much reccently?

end: 2:36 pm

february 27, 2008 @ 1:48 pm

uwah. :( i messed up again with andy. it just.. i dunno. i dont mind tickling so much as long as i can breathe and my belly button is fine. but i dunno it just upset me so much that i sorta did an instant withdraw. and i just felt so bad that i let out all of my grievences in a big rush. because like no matter how much i try to read history is so dang boring that im always behind. and then i got my essay topic for history (my 10 page essay topic) and i find out that the chapters i did read in our history book is completely useless 1850-s 1930-s. because our essay is based on 1940s and beyond and i just let out all of my upset-ness. and he took it the wrong way. how the heck can i read like 200 pages in history per week. its a dang textbook and supplementary books. and still read for like 3 other classes at hte same time that have midterms and what not. and its like my history class is all i ever work on.. and yet all my "working on" is useless.. and i dunno..

and the sad thing is.. when i compare my reading speed with others.. i'm "fast" too. so i dont even know how they expect us to do it when it takes me like 5 minutes per dang page, and others read slower..

now andy's all like moppy all day. and wont talk to me and just looks all upset.

end: 1:56 pm

February 25, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

Okay after accidently deleting my blog file in which i started freaking out because my server started to lag off.. all is well again.

Tis a rather productive day on my website with more done then i expected. :D I really intended to just do two really minor small things + an average update, but then i started feeling guilty that they were too minor. and that i really owed it to my website to do more then just that. D: since every time i scroll back and look at past news this huge nearly half year of inactivity makes me cringe inside. its like.. no amount of dedication could over make it up. D: stop saying im being too harsh.

end: 5:19 pm

February 24, 2008 @ 10:58 pm

It saddens me. to look at my list of friends' websites journals, etc. all go away.. the few that haven't removed theirs is completely inactive by over a year now. i dont want to remove them.. so i know many have forgotten. only one jon keeps up with it now. i know the hype is all facebook, but it isnt the same. i dont know if its more of the.. i dont have new friends to add to the list of sites. or if its just no one does it anymore. either way. more fallen castles. talked to jonathan jew about it, and im glad to hear he's moved back to journaling on paper. im glad to know one of the ones i admired still continues. another franz, i believe is just keeping it on a cd. others gone. D: am i feeling bad cuz that means i have to fill up my own side bar myself now? im not quite sure.

ill go and do a little work on my site now. so i feel productive.

D: cuz i know, im guilty of vanishing here and there.

end: 11:03 pm

February 22, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

the lies? i dunno, he just dropped by.. i dont know if it was to really see me. or if its to get my ipod charger. i terribly wish it was to see me but how the first thing he asks is "can i borrowt his" i dunno makes me think he came to get a charger and not visit me. it hurts.. i wish i could have said no. you cant borrow it. but im not like htat. T_T i wish i coulda though. so then the only point of the drop by was to see me. caving heart.

but even if i told him.. he'd never make it up to me.

my mouth gaps to see him buy me something thats 20 dollars. and gapped that time for over 24 hours i think. though honestly i think it would gap even at a 5 dollar gift. because he rarely does. is it silly of me to hint i want something on gaia?

end: 10:34 pm February 22, 2008 @ 6:29 PM

aughg, i got even worse yet again. T_T man. then i had to go out and go and make another blog layout. this time i don't even know why i just stopped.. i just.. did. :/ The urge for a new layout didn't hit until today.

I'm semi proud of this new layout.. I tried some new things that I semi picked up from the last one, little things i was interested in. I finally am able to work with font to make myself 100% satisfied so now the text isn't the "weak" part of my layouts.. I mixed a little shadow, highlight, emboss on the "In the mist of it all" which im just stinking proud of. little mini hidden message on the side there that uses the outline like feature that i've only been able to do on jasc and im proud that i can do it on photoshop as well. since it made me sad that i can't do that on my past layouts since i only have jasc on my desktop. both texts look yummy smooth now. :) and its still hard for me to believe that -I- did it.

Work with background and what not still leaves plenty plenty of room for growth. As interesting as the texture I gave in the textbook here.. first time trying it.. honesty. i've just been always using the fade feature or darken or etc. so ive never even really given a hand to it. its still too..

AHAA take it back, i just went back and played with the texture again, softened it a lot.. and now its like smancy paper soft.

okay its 6:53 pm now, but im back again. i played with it a bit more.. experimented with the blur feature to try and blend the top image and the white more.. its a bit messy but it looks a tad better. ill get better at it over time.

yeah.. i feel better now.. hands seem to be realivetly green warm. not perfect but at least they're not icy cold.

lets see.. the blog.. no real image alternations no color saturation or hue or lighten or brighten. just a slight resize but thats it. colors seem just right so i didnt touch it.

hmm.. a new song by casada was playing either on radio disney and i went to check the song title + artist and it came up and it surprised me. i guess.. i didnt expect to hear one of her songs on radio disney.

hmm watching gilmore girls with andy is nice. it surprised me at first but i gues it makes sense since he watches dramas and what not.. but yeah.. its nice. :) sorta means i now feel obligated to not watch any of it without him.. but its still nice.

okay.. i feel like i should go and be more productive else where now. that i feel satifisication from my website. ill go and annouce the new blog and go and do some history reading.

end: 7:00 pm